P.C.I.
(Tonight's workout accompaniment: Dream Theater: Awake)
Back when I was in college, my friend Foster and I started this club of two we called PCI. It stood for "Poster Children for Insecurity" and it involved many a late-night trip to Steak n' Shake. We'd drown our woes in milkshakes and french fries.
We're still friends, but we disbanded the club a few years ago because we realized we'd both grown out of our insecurity, more or less.
Truth be told, I don't think we were ever that insecure. I think it was more like we felt misunderstood by the world around us. We still grapple with that, but somehow I think we've grown accustomed to it.
But. Every once in awhile that old insecurity creeps back. It whispers "you're not good enough" and "you're too weird" and "you're not pretty enough" and "everyone else is having one-night stands, why not you?" I know it's wrong, but it's hard to ignore.
I can't think of a friend in my circle who doesn't project confidence. Nor can I think of one who hasn't — at some point — admitted that the confidence is a facade hiding what's really underneath. Maybe it's a good lesson that we all have our own demons to slay, despite our outward appearances.
And for those of you who are convinced your confidence is a facade — take this to heart: it's not, because it gives me strength.
(Tonight's workout accompaniment: Dream Theater: Awake)
Back when I was in college, my friend Foster and I started this club of two we called PCI. It stood for "Poster Children for Insecurity" and it involved many a late-night trip to Steak n' Shake. We'd drown our woes in milkshakes and french fries.
We're still friends, but we disbanded the club a few years ago because we realized we'd both grown out of our insecurity, more or less.
Truth be told, I don't think we were ever that insecure. I think it was more like we felt misunderstood by the world around us. We still grapple with that, but somehow I think we've grown accustomed to it.
But. Every once in awhile that old insecurity creeps back. It whispers "you're not good enough" and "you're too weird" and "you're not pretty enough" and "everyone else is having one-night stands, why not you?" I know it's wrong, but it's hard to ignore.
I can't think of a friend in my circle who doesn't project confidence. Nor can I think of one who hasn't — at some point — admitted that the confidence is a facade hiding what's really underneath. Maybe it's a good lesson that we all have our own demons to slay, despite our outward appearances.
And for those of you who are convinced your confidence is a facade — take this to heart: it's not, because it gives me strength.
1 Comments:
I realize that I don't know you IRL, Abba, but I get the impression you are pretty honest and transparent here, and I would definitely place YOU in the category of confident, talented women who know themselves (and even their insecurities) well.
I don't think you are weird, in any negative freaky sense. I think you are creative and artistic and refuse to be mainstream just to be mainsteam. I admire that.
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