ESL quote of the night:

Em: "That looks more like a Nazi march-step than a sit-up."

(Em, correct me if I misquoted you, please. I was laughing too hard to commit it to memory.)

A little help?

What does COG mean in netspeak?

For those who are waiting ...

Chapter Two of my derivative fiction, "A Better Wolfsbane" is available here. Please follow this link ONLY if you've read the Harry Potter series through Order of the Phoenix.

Eureka!

Polenta, at last I have found you! What did I do without you, my maize-y dinner staple?

Thanks, Jess

Jess of What, You Too? fame, has thrown down this challenge, and I am thrilled to pick it up:

• What is the total amount of music files on your computer?

Home: Six low-quality songs, all downloaded from the Harry and the Potters Web site. Personal favorites include "Save Ginny Weasley" and "Wizard Chess." I'm sending my $24 to these kids ASAP.

Work: I'm in the process of importing my entire CD collection onto my shiny new Mac. As a graphic designer, I love to listen to music while I work. My can't-miss favorite band is Over The Rhine. They sing about beauty and sex and God and despair in ways that will break your heart (in a good way) if you let them.

• What was the last song you listened to before reading this message?

Probably something off the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy soundtrack, since my friends Foster and Kathy had control of the car radio. Couldn't tell you which song, 'cause I don't know anything about popular music.

• Write down five songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you:

1. Song: "Changes Come" by Over The Rhine, on their Ohio disc. Beautifully haunting, like all their best songs. Lyric: I have my father's hands / I have my mother's tongue / I look for redemption in everyone.

2. Song: "Lie" by Dream Theater, on their Awake disc. This is my all-time favorite pissed-off song. Lyric: Never been much of a doubting Thomas / but nothing breaks like a broken promise / You tell me 'bout your two more coming / But once is just enough for me / I had gotten used to being a soul destroyed / She comes in apparently to fill the void

3. Song: "Tear-Stained Eye" by Son Volt, on their Trace disc. Lyric: Saint Genevieve can hold back the water / But the saints don't bother / With a tear-stained eye

4. Song: "Solar System" by Bill Mallonee and the Vigilantes of Love, on their Audible Sigh disc. Lyric: Well put all your love where it hurts the most / Expect a little visit from the Holy Ghost / When your short wave dies and there's no one to listen / Stars going cold in your solar system

5. Song: "Less" by Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals, on their Burn to Shine album. Lyric:You'd shake hands with Jesus / And you still would not believe

Who are you going to pass this on to (3 people) and why?

Em, because she's way more hip than me.

Amused, because all I know about her musical tastes is that she likes Ben Harper, and that's a good start.

Rob, because he always has interesting stuff to recommend.

Not cookies

In the final episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, there's a conversation between Buffy and Angel about cookie dough and cookies. It's a metaphor for being suited to someone, being in an emotionally ready place to be with him or her.

After spending a few days with simpatico guy, I've come to the conclusion that he's not cookies. At least, he's not cookies for me. I'm not sure he's even cookie-dough for me.

Not to say he's not simpatico. I think he is, but I think I've learned that first, second, third, fourth and even fifth impressions can be incomplete. And sometimes, things just don't work out the way you'd hoped they would.

I'm an idealist, and I have a habit of idealizing people. And I'm slowly learning that's not fair to me or to them. I idealized simpatico guy, and went into things with some unrealistic expectations.

So from here on out, if you hear about simpatico guy I'll use his real name or an initial. It's the first step toward the unidealization of him, and acceptance of him as a friend.

P.S. Kella, thank you for the wonderful card. I've been slow on the uptake with acknowledging those who took the time to send condolences. I think the correct answer is "buck."

Swoon!

That is all.

Life and art — the intersection

Those of you who follow this blog know that I'm part way through writing a piece of derivative fiction. My beta-reader at The Sugar Quill said I'm N.E.W.T.-worthy. (This means that I'd no longer be required to have an "official" editor preview my work before I posted it.) My first reaction was something involving jumping up and down and making a "yeeeeeeeee" noise. My second was this: "What? Who will help me become a better writer, then?"

For example, in tonight's edit, my beta-reader suggested that I introduce some sort of physical flaw into my female protagonist. My beta said readers generally don't like flawless characters, and that the male protagonist might be too frightened of a physically "perfect" woman. (What a great piece of advice, and quite a deep insight into both protagonists! No, I'm not ready to give up this sort of quality feedback.)

This particular insight reflects some of my recent real-life thoughts about the nature of attraction. I've found myself on the flip-side of the role to which I've become accustomed regarding flirtation and those first overtures of "Maybe you, let's find out?" I've always worn my heart on my sleeve and risked everything for that elusive "maybe you." I've always been the certain one. I've always been the brave one. I've always been the one to swallow my pride and ask. And now that I've encountered someone else willing to do the same (for me) I'm overwhelmed, overjoyed and terrified. This is uncharted territory. Who knows where these far-fetched possibilities will take us?

Dessert

I taught my ESL students the "dessert has two esses because you want more dessert, not more desert" memory trick tonight.

Case in point: Mochi. I picked up some Mochi on the way to class. Because it's about twenty below zero here, I could leave it in my car while I taught.

For those of you who haven't tried this culinary delicacy, I can only say: "Get thee to your local Trader Joe's or Japanese market. Get thee to the freezer section."

Mochi is ice cream, wrapped in a rice pastry and dusted with powdered sugar. It's best eaten on a plate using a fork.

It comes in the original flavors of green tea and mango, as well as chocolate and strawberry for you ice-cream traditionalists. My favorite is the green tea.

P.C.I.

(Tonight's workout accompaniment: Dream Theater: Awake)

Back when I was in college, my friend Foster and I started this club of two we called PCI. It stood for "Poster Children for Insecurity" and it involved many a late-night trip to Steak n' Shake. We'd drown our woes in milkshakes and french fries.

We're still friends, but we disbanded the club a few years ago because we realized we'd both grown out of our insecurity, more or less.

Truth be told, I don't think we were ever that insecure. I think it was more like we felt misunderstood by the world around us. We still grapple with that, but somehow I think we've grown accustomed to it.

But. Every once in awhile that old insecurity creeps back. It whispers "you're not good enough" and "you're too weird" and "you're not pretty enough" and "everyone else is having one-night stands, why not you?" I know it's wrong, but it's hard to ignore.

I can't think of a friend in my circle who doesn't project confidence. Nor can I think of one who hasn't — at some point — admitted that the confidence is a facade hiding what's really underneath. Maybe it's a good lesson that we all have our own demons to slay, despite our outward appearances.

And for those of you who are convinced your confidence is a facade — take this to heart: it's not, because it gives me strength.